Kinda
by feed-the-birdss
Summary: The three times James said "kinda" to Lily, and the one time Lily said it to him.


**Authors Note: Has a guy ever called you "kinda cute" when he's asked you out? Because it happens to me all the damned time, and it bothers me to no end. If you're going to ask a girl out, either let her know that you think she's fully attractive, or don't eve both asker her out at all. This story is dedicated to all the girls who have experienced such an annoyance before. **

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.**

**Fourth Year**

"Alright, that's it for today. Your three rolls of parchment on the importance of stirring counter-clockwise four times before adding in the valerian is due on Monday, and I am hoping to see more effort than I did with your last essays" said Professor Slughorn as he gave a pointed look toward Sirius and James who both snickered in response.

As they cleaned up their desks in preparation to leave the class, Sirius turned next to him to ask James, "So do you still plan on asking Evans out today?"

"Shut it, would you?" croaked James with wide eyes as he quickly looked toward the front of the class to make sure the red-head couldn't hear. "I don't know yet. I haven't decided how I am going to do it."

"What do you mean? You just go up to the bird, put your arm around her, and tell her you're taking her to Hogsmeade. It's not even a question these days. The ladies like confidence," assured Sirius as he winked over at Mary MacDonald who giggled in response.

James ran his hand through his hair before picking up his bag and following Sirius out the door, "Lily is not the kind of bird who likes being told what to do mate. I mean, remember what happened when Snape told her to not take Divination?"

"James, don't be daft. There is a difference between a greasy git like Snape bullying her around, and a confident git like you telling her that she's being taken to Hogsmeade. Besides here's your chance right now," cajoled Sirius as he shoved James in her direction when she quickly walked past them. "Oi! Evans! James here needs to talk to you!" yelled Sirius before turning in the opposite direction towards his Ancient Runes class.

Lily turned around with a suspicious look in her eye as James proceeded to send a dirty look in Sirius' direction and then make his way over to her, "What's up Potter?"

"Well Evans, not much I guess…you good?" He said with his hand ruffling the back of his head.

"Yep, all good."

"Right."

"So…is there something you needed or can I go?" she asked.

Sirius' words about confidence echoed in his head. So James stood up a little straighter as he put his hand through his hair once more, and put on his signature smirk that always made the group of second year girls who fawned over him blush. "Actually, there is something I need from you Evans. You see, you're kinda cute and all, so I figured that we should go to Hogsmeade this weekend together."

A copper eyebrow raised in response.

"I am going to take that silence as a yes. So I'll meet you at around ten in the common room," he proclaimed as he began to walk backwards to catch up with Sirius.

Lily's brain seemed to have caught up with what he was saying, and quickly replied with "What the Hell Potter!? You can't just…I mean…that wasn't even…UGH. No James, I will not be meeting you in the common room at ten, NOR will you be seeing me at Hogsmeade," she cursed, then swiftly turned on the spot, her red-hair billowing behind her looking like a plume of fire as she briskly walked down the corridor.

James just watched her go with his mouth hanging open.

Lily's mouth, on the hand, was tightly pressed together in a thin line that would make McGonagall proud. _Kinda?!_, she thought, _that prick thinks I'm _"kinda cute"_!?_ _What does that even mean!?_

**Fifth Year**

Sirius, James, Remus, Mary, Marlene and Peter were all sitting in the common room pretending to pay attention to a game of Exploding Snap Sirius and Peter were not really playing. Each of their eyes kept shifting towards the portrait, waiting for the red-head to come back inside.

"Maybe I should go check on her," said James for what felt like the one hundredth time in the last five minutes.

"No James! How many bloody times do we have to tell you that YOU are absolutely the LAST person she wants to see right now…or ever really for that matter," said Marlene.

"Well that seems to have changed," Sirius muttered, earning a scowl from Mary, Remus and Marlene.

"Don't be a prick Sirius. He was her best friend. She is only just coming to terms with the fact that he won't be any longer, and you saying things like that won't help with anything," said Mary.

"Right, sorry," he apologized as he and Peter continued to play the game absentmindedly.

While the others engaged in shallow conversation about their OWLs, James couldn't even try to participate. His eyes were glued to the portrait.

When the portrait finally opened a few minutes later, and the red-haired girl slowly walked into the common room, James' heart couldn't help but break as he noticed the tears falling from her very red eyes. As soon as those red eyes came into contact with the group by the fire, she slowly made her way over to them.

Mary and Marlene jumped up as soon as the door opened and met her half way to engulf her in their arms, one of them on each side of her. Sirius, Remus, Peter, and James all watched with frowns.

"Are you gonna be okay love?" asked Mary sweetly.

Lily gave her a watery smile as she nodded weakly. "Yeah, it was a long time coming anyway. I just wish it hadn't ended so disastrously…or publicly," sniffed Lily.

"Right, sorry about that Evans. I guess that's kinda my fault, eh?" said James as he lifted his hand towards his hair, but stopped midway when he remembered Lily's words at the Lake, and awkwardly put his hand back down.

"Really Potter! Is that the apology I am going to get from you? Only admitting to it being 'kinda' your fault? Honestly, you seriously need to learn to take responsibility for your actions," spat Lily with a face as red as her hair. She then loosened herself from her best friends' arms and marched her way up the stairs towards the girls dormitory.

"Way to go mate."

"Shut up Sirius, it's not like you weren't involved either," accused James.

"Yeah, but my apology would've been better than that," said Sirius.

"Whatever," was James's retort as he too stalked off toward his dormitory with a red face.

**Sixth Year**

"All right Evans?"

"What do you want Potter? I'm busy!" snapped Lily.

"Merlin's Beard Evans, don't get your knickers in a twist. I only wanted to see if you've invited some of the other prefects from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff to Remus' surprise party tomorrow night."

Lily sighed, "Right, that. Yeah. I've invited Bertram, Benjy, Dorcas, and Jane."

"Excellent," replied James as got a good look at her up close and examined the red-head's messy hair, dark eyes and crumpled uniform. "Are you good?" puzzled James, as he had never seen her look this haggard before.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" inquired Lily.

"Well…you look kinda tired I guess."

Lily's eyebrows immediately scrunched together, "Ugh, Potter! You are honestly one of the most annoying prats on the planet. Why do you always say that awful, heinous, and annoying word!? Every time you say it I am so bloody tempted to just smack that stupid smirk right off your face!"

"Uhhhh…what word Evans?" cautioned James.

"Kinda! You're always, 'hey Evans, you're looking kinda a cute today' or 'hey Evans, that joke was kinda funny'. Just—" she sighed exasperatedly, "you're just kinda kinda kinda KINDA all the Agrippa-damned time, and I am so bloody tired of it James. Just mean something fully, or keep it to yourself and don't say it all!" fumed Lily.

"So you're saying that you wished I said that you look fully tired?"

"Yes!"

"Right, noted."

"Good." Approved Lily as she relaxed a bit more.

"So I'll see you at the party, right?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss Remus' party," Lily said kindly.

"True, Remus is kinda the best," smirked James with a glint in his eye.

Lily couldn't help the smile that grew on her face after rolling her eyes in response, "you're a prat Potter." She then stalked off toward the library to finish the three essays she had due the next day.

"A full prat or kinda a prat?"

Without looking back, Lily responded with a gesture that would have given her a week's worth of detention if McGonagall had seen it.

**Seventh Year**

"Mate, she likes you back! I swear to Merlin she does," pleaded Sirius as he followed James to the Heads Office where he was meeting Lily for their rounds that night.

"Shove off Padfoot. If she liked me back, I would know it. I mean, I know her. Almost as well as Mary and Marlene."

"Yeah, but you're blind when it comes to this stuff Prongs! Remember when you thought that Benjy hated Emily, but it turned out that he actually fancied her?"

"This is not the same. I know Lily doesn't hate me seeing as we're good friends now, but because we're good friends now, I also know that she doesn't fancy me."

"You're being an idiot Prongs," sighed Sirius as he went down one corridor to head back to the common room, and James headed down another toward the Heads Office.

James pondered what Sirius had said. It couldn't be! It just didn't make any sense to him. Sure Lily and him have been getting along great lately, but it's because they have been forced to spend all this time together! She has no choice but to like his presence at this point or she would've been driven mad! And true, she has been getting a bit touchy-feely after he tells a joke, but the other day, Mary had grabbed onto him too, and there's no way Mary likes him. Sure it had been because she was about to trip down the stairs, but it was still a touch!

I mean, Lily does touch him all the time though…Is it possible?

_NO_, James thought to himself. He can't go down that path right now. He needs to focus on just making her fall in love with him the old fashioned way, slowly but surely. They'd only been actual friends for a few months, so he figured he still had time. He can't get distracted by possibilities. The next time James Potter asks Lily Evans out, he needs to have no doubt whatsoever in his young, but brilliant, mind that she is going to yes—with enthusiasm, and then she would snog the living daylights out of him.

Well okay, the last part doesn't _have_ to happen, but it sure as Merlin would be a welcomed reaction.

As James approached the doors to the Heads Office, he could hear the bickering voices of Lily and Marlene.  
"Merlin's Beard! Lily, you have to tell him!" burst Marlene.

"I know. I will. I am going to do it tonight I think," she responded.

"You're going to tell who what tonight?" asked James as he waltzed into the room.

Lily's head turned so quickly he was worried she might have hurt herself for a second.

"Oh, um, I have to tell Benjy that I think I saw his toad the other day," squeaked Lily.

"What? I thought Benjy had an owl?" puzzled James.

"He has a toad too Potter. Didn't you know? Its name is Arnold," assured Marlene.

"Oh…no I didn't. Well, yeah, you better tell him then."

"I will! Right after rounds," replied Lily giving Marlene a grateful look as she left to go back to the common room.

"Good, well, we better get going then," reasoned James motioning her out the door.

As they wandered through the corridors, occasionally checking broom closets and classrooms for any misbehaving students, they talked through their usual topics: their days, stories from their childhoods, Sirius' ridiculous comments in class that morning, Remus' deteriorating health etc. However, James noticed that Lily seemed a little off tonight.

"Lil, what's up? You seem nervous?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess I am," said Lily quietly.

"Why?"

"Well, for starters, I lied earlier, in the Heads Office. Benjy does not have a toad named Arnold."

"I bloody knew it! Benjy is way too cheesy to choose a name like Arnold. He would choose something dumb like Mr. Toad."

"Oh my God, you're totally right! He would choose a name like Mr. Toad," laughed Lily.

"So why'd you lie Lils?"

"Right. Well, it's because you're the person I actually had something to tell tonight."

"Oh?" inquired James.

"Yeah, cause you see Potter…well, um, I kinda fancy the pants off you."

James eyes went wide behind the frames of his glasses, and he stopped walking mid-step.

"James?"

"Wait…what?"

"I fancy you James," said Lily slowly stopping in front of him.

James' silence continued for what felt like ages to Lily. She debated with herself as to whether or not she should say it again, but thought better of it. She could see the cogs turning in his beautiful messy-haired head. So she just watched him patiently as he processed the best news he had ever heard in his life.

After a minute or two, James finally responded, "Evans."

"Yes Potter?"

"I need to clarify something here."

"Okay…"

"Do you fancy me? Or do you kinda fancy me?" James asked with smirk as he put his hands around her waist.

"Don't be an idiot Potter," she replied, and then, to James' utter astonishment, she weaved her hands through his hair, bringing her face close to his, and proceeded to snog the living daylights out of him.


End file.
